What I have learned from reading Cosmo and the like and watching dating shows on TV or:
A Single Woman's Guide to Finding Mr. Right
Follow these directions:
Wear a really short skirt
(the tighter the better and no, you don't look like a hooker, really.)
(the tighter the better and no, you don't look like a hooker, really.)
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| photo from wickedtemptation.com |
Be mysterious.
(Start a game of hide- and- seek and never tell him. If he knows to play,he's a keeper. )
(Start a game of hide- and- seek and never tell him. If he knows to play,he's a keeper. )
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| image from: http://examiner.com |
Get a manicure: preferably red
(Claws= sexy duh!)
(Claws= sexy duh!)
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| image from http://longnailz.blogspot.com/2008/10/angelinas-sexy-long-nails.html |
Wear the highest "f*#k me" heels you can find
( If you can walk more than four feet, they're too low. )
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| image from http//shopzlot.biz/products/mudd-shoes-chunkie-black-heel |
Do whatever is necessary to get long blond straight hair
(Scientifically proven to be sexy ... unless there is humidity or your roots show.)
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| image from chttp://hairstylefashion.org/attractive-haircuts-and-long-hair-styles-for-women-2009-2010.html |
Show off your sexy side.
(That butterfly tattoo on your hipbone you got when you were 19, show it off!)
(That butterfly tattoo on your hipbone you got when you were 19, show it off!)
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| image from http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-512321/So-long-thong-women-reject-chav-look-big-pants.html |
Wear heavy cat eye makeup.
(Unless you look like a drunken raccoon, you've done it wrong.}
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| image from http://www.eyeshadowlipstick.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/heavy-black-eyes-makeup.jpg |
Order the lobster; it makes you seem exotic.
( Then only eat the salad.)
( Then only eat the salad.)
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| image from http://www.flickr.com/photos/phuson/2886049517/ |
Get your lips done.
( Lip gloss if for sissies; go for the needle or go home!)
( Lip gloss if for sissies; go for the needle or go home!)
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| image from http://plastic-celebrity-surgery.blogspot.com/2010_04_01_archive.html |
Always behave like a lady!
(When you twirling on the stripper pole, remember pinkies out.)
(When you twirling on the stripper pole, remember pinkies out.)
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| image from http://pictureofelegance.blogspot.com/2010/05/girl-in-white-gloves.htmlcaption |
Go ahead; have a few drinks.
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| image from http://www.ehow.com/drink-shots/ |
Show just a bit of cleavage
(Show only two of the following: under, top, or side cleavage. Keep it classy.)
(Show only two of the following: under, top, or side cleavage. Keep it classy.)
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| image from: http://www.imjustsharing.com/cleavage-yeah-im-going-there/ | B |
Wear one piece of bold jewelry
(Worn properly it will hypnotize him to do your every bidding. )
(Worn properly it will hypnotize him to do your every bidding. )
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| image from http://sliceofboredom.blogspot.com/ |
Have red curly hair. Be a decent person, educated, have a a kind heart, a sense of humor, cooking skills, and be semi-excellent at Trivial Pursuit!
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| WRONG! |
Redheads are unmatchable; add curly hair to that and you may as well be a nun according to Miss. S. We are also supposedly, "difficult." Well what the HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?! HUH?!! I am completely even-keeled at all times and a sheer joy to be around in any circumstance! A ginger hater; that's what she is. And my hair when straight looks goofy as heck.
Well damn it! I guess that I am doomed to a life of singledom. Good thing I already have a cat; now all that's left is for me to start knitting ugly throw pillows and scrapbooking relevant Cathy cartoons.
I could follow her advice and look and feel ridiculous doing so. Or, I could just work on being happy. Trends are fun, and other people's advice is interesting. but self-respect is timeless.
