Male Substitution Chart

Have you ever been stuck in a situation and you did not know what to do? Did you think to yourself that it would have been easier with a man around? No need; now presenting the Male Substitution Chart. If you find yourself in one of these situations, just look to the right for a simple solution. If you can substitute sugar with honey in some recipes, why not substitute for a man in daily life?

Single Woman's Handy  Male Substitution Chart

    

Problem                                 Substitution

Scary Spider                                                      Bug stick    

in the bathtub    

Cold winter nights                                              Electric blanket          
                                                

Choking on peanut butter                                   Hemlich yourself 

when alone                                                        on the back of a 

                                                                         chair.
             

Jar lid is stuck                                                    Electric jar 

                                                                         opener

                                                                                                                     

Lack of male, "company"                                   Discrete battery  

                                                                         operated device.

                                                              
                                                                  

Horrible late night silence                                    Noise machine set to spring rain or ocean.  (note
                                                                          that the settings do not include: adenoids, choke-

                                                                          snore, or noisy nose whistling. )Be glad for that.

Someone to come home to                              1. Rarely go home 2. Buy a pet cat or dog  3. Create a       

                                                                       charming imaginary spouse who exists only between 6 and 

                                                                       6:01 PM on weeknights.

Can't reach the highest shelf                            Step stool and grabber device 

Flat tire or locked out                                     Membership to AAA and the number of 

                                                                      two 24-hr.   locksmiths

bug vacuum, doesn't harm bugs and you can put them outside.

Cost of these items: about $300
Cost of a messy breakup or divorce: Substantially more ... and then there's the money.