Quote of the Day, Love: Oscar Wilde

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.

Go ahead and search it up

Monday, January 31, 2011

coming soon

1. The perfectly good guy
2. The locust
3. The hot chocolate
4. The Latently Gay guy
5.The would-be Hemminway
6. The Hobit
7. The Shy Computerland guy
8. The Soul Patch guy
9. The Ivy League Dilettante 
10. The One who Liked Sailor Moon
11. The Polite Brazilian
12. The New Age Guru
13. The Pilot

Cafe Purple

On the north east side Lake Washington opposite  of Seattle is a land that is partially populated with employees of a famous software and programming mecca that shall heretofore be called Computerland. Surely, there must be many decent and friendly single men who work there. Many others are married and still others get gorgeous blond mail order brides from Russia.
Early on in this experiment. I met Michael on the same dating site. A second generation Greek divorcee with similar taste in music and movies to my own, we had some good conversations and  he asked me to meet him for drinks at Cafe Purple, an excellent restaurant and wine bar near the Computerland campus.
I wore a skirt, suede boots, and a ballet neck sweater, not too sexy, and not too casual for the place and time. The hostess directed me to a table and Michael and I said our hellos. We talked about the kinds of people we'd met on the dating site and how they were mostly nice enough. Since I was driving, I ordered a seltzer with lime and he ordered water.  He then went on to tell me how he had several patents that Computerland was trying to take from him.  As my eyes glazed over, I heard him change tone. "You know, " he said, "I should have known my third wife was a con artist. I moved to New Zealand for her and she took my money."
"Your third wife?" I said.
"Oh don't worry I can still get married in the church."
"Well,"  I said, "I guess we all have our share of bad luck but as long as we learn from it right?"
The waitress came by and asked if we wanted anything else.As with all "drinks," dates that occur at a restaurant at six or seven PM, dinner is somewhat implied, but never a sure thing. I waited for him to reply. or to ask me.
"Nope, just more water for me," he said and continued with his theory of southern European history while simultaneously texting.
I tried to seif he would notice if I made  weird face or cleared my throat. He didn't
A few minutes later the bill came and I waited for him to take out his wallet. Finally he did. And as he paid the  four dollar bill he said,
"You know, usually I date women much more accomplished and better looking than you."
I didn't know if he had read some book about how to pick up women or if he was just rude, and frankly I didn't care.
"That seems to have worked out well for you so far," I said politely, "good luck." and walked out.
As I write this, I wonder if that line has worked on anyone else. Either way, he can always remarry in the church .


His profile portrayed Pete as an outdoorsy, well -educated man who, "wants to meet Miss right and have a relationship of equals." After chatting back and forth for a few weeks, Pete asked me out for a casual dinner. In person he was nice looking and our conversation was fun even if he was a bit too flirtatious. He was divorced, he said, and an elementary school teacher taking a short sabbatical. He claimed to have always wanted to date a redhead  and asked if I'd like to take a walk around Greenlake which was across the street.   It was a beautiful evening and the starts sparkled like cold diamonds            
off of the lake. We talked about growing up in the Northwest, joked as we people watched  and then the topic turned to bad habits.
"So," I said, ,"any deep dark secrets?" I smiled,  "My worst one is swearing to myself when I'm stuck in traffic, no accomanying  hand gestures though. You?"

"Well my wife Jenny left me over my internet porn addiction. That's why I don't teach anymore, I caught caught at school, umm pleasuring myself while the video played on one of those pull down screens. Man, principals can be so judgmental. You know what though? I think it was the devil that made me do it."
I paused and laughed lamely,"Whoo, that's a good one, you almost got me there."
With complete sincerity, he continued, "No joke, it got so bad that I went to inpatient treatment for six months. My palms have just now started to really heal up. Thank God for that ointment. I can't even have an internet connection. I've been out of the facility for a week."
My jaw dropped, but before I could respond he started again
"Hey, I've got to take a leak in the bushes over there." He pointed about two feet away from the main trail where people were walking their dogs and taking babies for bedtime stroller rides. "Can you stand guard?"
Flummoxed, I looked around me to find the quietest and quickest route to the parking lot.
As I started to jog, I mumbled, "Thanks for dinner,It's late I've got to go." I don't know if he heard me but I fulfilled my obligation to be polite.
My purse was small and my keys with pepper spray attached were in hand in a matter of seconds as I walked very quickly to the lot. As I walked away I heard him still talking his voice getting fainter as I neared my car,
"Hey, you look tense, would you like to come back to my place for a massage and ... dessert, you know what I mean?....  Hey wait up!"
I locked the door, slammed the car into reverse and pulled away. In the rear-view mirror, I could see him standing there confused, his fly still half undone.
As I crouched down in my seat and stepped on the gas I had to commend him on his honesty but kept wondering what one woman could possibly keep him interested unless the circus was in town and he had eight kinky sister wives. 


Welcome everybody! Over the past few years I've delved into the strange world of internet dating only to find it hilarious, bleak, sad, and occasionally hopeful. If you are looking for a "Sex and the City," type of site, you may want to look elsewhere. This blog is rated PG or PG-13 at the most.