Quote of the Day, Love: Oscar Wilde

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.

Go ahead and search it up

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Male Substitution Chart

Have you ever been stuck in a situation and you did not know what to do? Did you think to yourself that it would have been easier with a man around? No need; now presenting the Male Substitution Chart. If you find yourself in one of these situations, just look to the right for a simple solution. If you can substitute sugar with honey in some recipes, why not substitute for a man in daily life?

Single Woman's Handy  Male Substitution Chart


Problem                                 Substitution
Scary Spider                                                      Bug stick    
in the bathtub    

Cold winter nights                                              Electric blanket          

Choking on peanut butter                                   Hemlich yourself 
when alone                                                        on the back of a 
Jar lid is stuck                                                    Electric jar 


Lack of male, "company"                                   Discrete battery  
                                                                         operated device.


Horrible late night silence                                    Noise machine set to spring rain or ocean.  (note
                                                                          that the settings do not include: adenoids, choke-
                                                                          snore, or noisy nose whistling. )Be glad for that.

Someone to come home to                              1. Rarely go home 2. Buy a pet cat or dog  3. Create a       
                                                                       charming imaginary spouse who exists only between 6 and 
                                                                       6:01 PM on weeknights.

Can't reach the highest shelf                            Step stool and grabber device 

Flat tire or locked out                                     Membership to AAA and the number of 
                                                                      two 24-hr.   locksmiths

bug vacuum, doesn't harm bugs and you can put them outside.

Cost of these items: about $300
Cost of a messy breakup or divorce: Substantially more ... and then there's the money.



Anonymous said...

I'm putting this on the fridge!

Anonymous said...

I'll name my imaginary spouse Valentino!

Sunny June said...

hahahah so funny!

Anonymous said...

I hope your bugstick doesn't hurt the spiders!Spiders are your friends:) Did you know, a healthy acre of land should contain a million spiders? Yup, it is true!

Katie said...

@anonymous: It is used by bug researchers to gather live bugs. I prefer to catch rather than squash too.
A million spiders, really? I've learned something new today.

Katie said...

@ sunny: thanks for reading it. I think some of your friends in Germany are fans. I got 30 odd German hits to the blog today. Thanks for your international skills! :)

Anonymous said...

you crack me up! I'm sending this to my brother!